Revelations
by Double Helix Nebula
Summary: On Queen Zelda's deathbed, she passes on a tome she's been writing throughout her entire life about life and what she thought of it. It is to be published and shared with the people of Hyrule. These are some words of wisdom from a Queen who had lived a full and adventurous life. Written in the spirit of works like Aurelius' 'Meditations' and Samuel Beckett's 'Krapp's Last Tape'.
1. 23 March: Fear and Death

23 March: Fear and Death

I had an incident happen today that got me thinking about fear and how prolific and problematic it is for most of us. I, myself, have had my fair share of dealing with fear and have learned a few things over the years that I would like to share. And to this day, I still do! Fear never really goes away; one just learns to control it better.

My mentor, Impa, once told me that 'death smiles at us all; all one can do is smile back'. And I remember this line so clearly and it is something that I've taken with me throughout my entire life since then. And at various points in my life, it's taken on different - and deeper - levels of meaning as I've had major events happen to me in my life. And now, I shall share with you what this has come to mean to me.

Now one may ask what death has to do with fear, but is fear of death not the ultimate fear of any living being? Is it not the greatest inhibitor to any valliant action or idea? To any unknown opportunity? What is the greatest fear if not the fear of death? Ah, but there _is_ a fear that is greater than death; the greatest fear of all! And yet, the most tragic. What is it, you may ask? The fear of _living_. Yes, while many may fear death, many more actually fear living, although none would ever admit such a thing nor would they ever think of it consciously. Allow me to explain.

An old Hylian poet once wrote that 'fear is the cheapest room in the house; I would like to see you living under better conditions'. Virtually all of us, at one point or another in our lives, allow fear to dictate the conditions of our lives. For the majority, it never changes. Fear is allowed to run our lives until our dying days. That, my friend, is the greatest tragedy of them all. To waste our lives away living in 'the cheapest room in the house'. For one reason or another, we allow ourselves to believe that 'it's better than nothing', to never challenge this and to move to a better accommodation.

This world wasn't built on those who stayed in place and our greatest stories, tales and heroes did not achieve their glory by staying in their hometowns. As written in a text I read as a child; 'Put off this sloth, for shame! Sitting on feather'd pillows, lying reclined beneath a blanket is no way to fame. Fame, without which man's life wastes out of mind, leaving upon the land no more memorial than foam in water or smoke upon the wind'. Fame doesn't have to mean being renowned throughout the land, but personal fame upon which no public lauding takes place but your own upon yourself. And this is, perhaps, the most important fame in one's life. And yet so many shun this, finding it pretentious or destined only for a select few.

I've heard it all and I, myself, have partaken in this in my younger years. This is normal, methinks, in one's earlier years and in my humble opinion, it is necessary to allow oneself to go through this perfectly normal phase. In fact, I'll go so far as to say that trying to suppress this only makes things worse. 'And this too shall pass', as spoken by the Ancients. But the problem stems not from going through it but rather from never getting out of it. To allow fear to keep one small for the rest of their lives. And what a tragedy that is! What a waste of potentiality!

Why is this? The reasons can be many, but it ultimately comes down to one reason; death. Not always physical death. In fact, usually _not_ physical death, but rather a different kind of death. A deeper death. A much more fundamental death. A death of our old selves. A death of certain relationships, of certain privileges, of a certain way of life. In most circumstances, it's much harder to give up a familiar way of living than it is to actually physically die. At least there's a certainty to physical death; a knowing of an ending, a certain conclusion. Death of the non-physical kind is much more frightening. Yet, this is exactly the kind of death we should all strive for, for it is this kind of death and this kind of death alone that is responsible for all of our growth and progress as individuals and as a nation!

'I died as mineral and became plant. I died as plant and rose to animal. I died as animal and I've awaken as Gerudo. Why should I fear? When was I less by dying?'. A Gerudo poem. And how wonderfully succinct this short poem is as it pertains to fear! One has nothing to lose and everything to gain in death of old ways, thoughts and patterns; why should one fear it? How will one become less by trying to be more?


	2. 2 August: Who I Really Am

2 August: Who I Really Am

I live for these moments, I truly do. To be able to get away from the hustle and bustle of the castle and royal duties and to just spend time outside, amongst the people. Now I'm not naïve; I understand that on a fundamental level, I'll never be looked at as 'normal' and will always get preferential treatment. But damn it, is it nice to speak to normal people! There's a certain earthiness to the conversations, a certain realness that can never be had within the walls of the castle. That is, if they can get over the fact that, well, I'm their Queen. But if this can be overlooked, at least as far as it can be, my, what stimulating and enlivening conversations can be had!

And that brings me to the reason why I'm writing this entry right now, and it's because I got into a conversation with an older gentleman who is a master blacksmith. He makes a variety of different things, but his main specialty seems to be items. He even forged a small flower out of steel that he brought to an irradiant polish and gave to me! I will absolutely cherish and save this item! The speed and skill that he displayed, taking a small chunk of steel - which, according to him, was incredibly difficult to make - and forging it into a beautifully shaped and intricately made flower, masterfully commanding his forge and his tools, was amazing to me. But not only is he a master blacksmith, but I've found that he is also a master conversationalist! This man, he had stories, and lots of them.

But what ended up becoming the centre of our conversation was the concept of 'being who one truly is'. It started all because I made an off-comment about how 'I wish that I could just speak with others as I speak with you; free and uninhibited'. 'You', of course, being the master blacksmith. And he offered his simple advice of 'then why don't you?'. Naturally, I explained to him about how it wasn't so simple and all of the complications and necessitations and other such deprivations of self that come along with being Royalty. How it wasn't quite that cut and dry; that life was simpler for a commoner, with no offense meant to him, of course. But he responded with something that completely blindsided me. He said;

"If you cannot be true to yourself with them, then how can we trust that you'll be true to yourself with us?"

You can imagine the internal turmoil this immediately caused! As sure as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, I tried to explain how 'it was complicated' and 'well in certain situations, it's different' but I quickly came to the realisation that it was all just rationalisations. He made this doubly clear when I stuttered, trying to respond to this profound comment and he laughed aloud - in that wonderfully hearty laugh only a blacksmith could produce! - and said to me;

"Of course, I don't mean brutal honesty. For instance, I'd nae go 'round telling everyone that I think they're imbeciles, even if that's how I really feel. Or perhaps I would!"

I laughed to tears; I loved the realness of it all. But after we had our laugh, I was brought back to the topic at hand. Yes, honesty, being true to oneself in all situations. Is this not one of the greatest virtues one can aspire? It is the simplest to envision yet the hardest to embody. Afterall, what are we to make of all of the 'unique' circumstances and 'Ah, I can't say that to _him_! Any other person, sure, but not _him_!' or 'Honesty? Of course! But this situation is an exception!' types of excuses? We can honestly think of any excuse to not take action and dress it as 'yes, well, this is legitimate. I'll do it next time'. Out of everyone, I feel like I have the most to lose with 'being honest'; but if I feel that way, am I really being honest? Or am I just viewing 'being honest' solely as 'telling everyone that I think they're imbeciles'? Am I just waiting for next time to come? When does next time come? _Does_ it ever come?

After airing these complaints and contemplations to the master blacksmith, and we danced philosophy and musings betwixt ourselves, I've come to the very real conclusion that there's more to 'being honest' and 'telling the truth' than just giving someone a piece of your mind! In fact, uninvited brutal honesty is actually the lowest form of honesty; there's no beauty or honour in it at all. How can one honour someone who mindlessly spews what's on their mind to an unwilling audience? If a lady were to ask a gentleman if her dress was unflattering, what honour comes out of him saying 'Aye, milady, the dress is most unflattering to your unsightly figure'? Yes, he was honest, but at what cost? Surely, in this instance, the lady has every right to respond in kind!

And what would be the proper response? I'm not sure, but methinks a better start would be something along the lines of 'You know what, my dear? I loved the way you looked in that purple dress!'. Perfect response? Absolutely not! Yet, it's a start and it retains a kind-hearted honesty without bringing the lady down. Now, she may still feel insulted; 'Say what? Are you insinuating that this dress _doesn't_ look good on me?!'. But at that point, is it not saying more about her uptight demeanour than the gentleman's honesty and poise? Should a gentleman lie just to keep a lady happy? This Queen thinks not! For while telling a white lie to keep waters smooth may seem like a good idea in the moment, it will always come crashing down eventually, as one must keep telling more and more lies to keep the earlier lies from coming to light. Then, one is _truly_ in dire straits!

But how does one strike that balance? How does one know _how_ to be honest in a beautiful and honourable way? Ah, now isn't that quite the question! The honest answer - and there's the honesty! - is that, I simply don't know. No one does! For all situations require a different approach. The best one can do is develop their ability to survey any given situation to know how much to push or pull. And this brings me to my current paradigm shift; for quite some time, a goal of mine was to 'be myself' - which really translates to 'be honest' - and have always had difficulty with this.

Because, ironically, trying to 'be myself' or 'be honest' forced me to adopt a persona that really _wasn't_ me in an attempt to _be_ me. Confusing, I know! But after this conversation, I've found that this is ultimately the wrong way to go about it. I've found that, funnily enough, having that as a goal inherently _robs_ me of my free will and true expression of myself and who I really am.

Having that as a goal inherently robs me of my free will and true expression of myself and who I really am…

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Robs me of my free will and true expression of myself and who I really am…

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My free will and true expression of myself...

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Who I really am…

(Her writing descends into illegible scrawls and blots of ink where she held the quill without moving, as if struck by serendipity)


	3. 11 July: Stuck? Try Non-Doing!

11 July: Stuck? Try Non-Doing!

You know that feeling you get when you want to write something or do something and you feel real strong about it and you have all kinds of ideas about how you'll go about it and you can't wait to get started, but then when it comes time to get started...you blank out. Maybe it's opening a shop or learning a trade different from your family background. Maybe it's writing a book or a simple journal entry. What happened? Just a moment ago, you could think of nothing else and now you can't think of _anything_! Isn't this annoying? Sometimes, we'll waste a lot of time sitting there or trying to force it out of ourselves but then if we are even able, then what comes out is nowhere near what we were thinking in our heads and sometimes, we'll fall flat on our faces. Argh! Just thinking about this frustrates me!

But that's exactly what happened to me just now. I was inspired to write and had a bunch of different ideas about what I was going to write but then when I actually sat down to write, when I actually made the time to pull out the ink and quill...nothing. Or more precisely, a whole lot of incomplete thoughts. I began writing on a few topics, but then after only a few sentences, I just completely blanked out and had absolutely no idea as to how I was going to continue on in a way that flowed even somewhat coherently. I find that this happens to all of us from time to time and I thought that I'd write about it and how I've learned to overcome it. And what I do to overcome it is, ironically, to not do anything. 'Not do anything', you may ask? 'Preposterous!' I hear you say. 'How do you solve a problem of inability with inaction?' you challenge. 'Has the Queen lost her marbles?' I hear you scoff. And perhaps I have! But, lost marbles or not, it works! The Sheikahs had a word for it that I cannot recall, but I call it 'non-doing' and I'll briefly explain it now. To be clear, I'm not talking about any kind of survival or imminent danger situation but rather during day-to-day life situations. That much should be obvious but I thought that I'd clarify.

Now I'm not exactly sure what the cause of this odd phenomena is, or why it happens, but it's something that happens to every single one of us. It doesn't matter who you are; Hylian, Gerudo, Zora, Sheikah - whom I learned this principle from - or even Kokiri. I know of no mortal being doing something with their lives that doesn't suffer this at least sometimes. I've certainly never spoken to anyone who hadn't had it happen to them. And if it has never happened, I'd wager it's because they never really tried to actually challenge themselves and make their lives better or to fulfill their dreams. The only people who have been spared this are those who never dared to step foot outside of their comfort zone. No judgments towards such people; if they think that they are content with their life, even if it's incredibly clear that they're not, then who am I to tut-tut, point my nose in the air and tell them otherwise? This would be precisely the opposite of non-doing as well as completely futile! Like leading a horse to water and trying to force it to drink. Impossible! Believe me, I've tried many times to no avail. Literally _and_ metaphorically.

You want to know what _did_ work, though? Non-doing. Letting it be. Allowing whatever to happen to happen. Now you may be thinking to yourself 'but if I just let things happen and let it go, then nothing will happen! Everything will fall apart and I'll lose everything!'. And these would be valid complaints...if I was advocating _inaction_! But that's not what I'm advocating, nor is it what I practice. Not by a country mile! No, not inaction, but non-doing. Not doing nothing, but rather not forcing something. They sound virtually the same and are probably used interchangeably - in fact, I may even use them interchangeably! - but they are night-and-day different. One is doing nothing while something is happening and the other is allowing whatever to happen, happen without doing anything to change it. It is, of course, much more complex than that and if I had the time and inclination, I could fill out the rest of this journal and only just get started!

Here's the problem with forcing an action when one is uninspired to do so, whether by their own hand or by coincidence. When one tries to force something, particularly when one doesn't feel like it, then it almost always ends badly. Not always, but almost always. And not always immediately, but almost always immediately. In fact, one would hope that the repercussions would happen immediately and not later on during an inopportune time! What happens when you try to force a horse's head into the river to make it drink when it doesn't want to? It will resist! And if you resist its resistance, then it will resist more and more until finally it tries to kick you or at best, get away! Conversely, if you try to force your hand into action if you are unable or unwilling, you will always inevitably get 'kicked'! And at that point, you best hope that life decides to be kind and not kick you too hard or kick you where it really hurts!

Besides, even if one is able to force whatever they want to happen and they get lucky and they're _not_ kicked, then it will almost never be up to expectations. It will be rushed or half-hearted - or both - and then you will step back and wonder 'what happened?'. To use myself as an example, if I tried to force my hand to write an entry on one of the other topics that I had floating around in my head, but couldn't get myself to complete, then I have no doubt in my mind that it would've come out sloppy, rushed, half-hearted and then I'd read it back at a later time and think to myself 'what the hell was that?'. But if instead, I just allow whatever to come, to come, then whatever comes out will be whatever needs to come out. And while it may or may not be up to expectations, it will, at the very least, be effortless and many times, it actually turns out better for that very reason!

So try it some time! If one feels the need to do something, then gets to the point of starting and is unable, just let go and I'm sure it will come. Again, _don't do nothing_, but _let go of doing something_. Sometimes one will do this and nothing will happen, and that's okay too! Sometimes, the right thing to do _is_ nothing. And if you're doing it correctly, then you'll realise this and move on. But if you find yourself getting frustrated and shouting to yourself 'Queen Zelda told me to not do something and I did nothing and nothing is happening!' or even worse 'something I didn't want happening, happened!', then you're still doing nothing rather than not doing something. You're still coming from a place of wanting to do something.

It's a very fine line between the two and a very delicate balance; it's easy to confuse them so be easy on yourself if you find yourself in that situation, and you will. Even I still catch myself doing nothing rather than non-doing from time to time. Of course, you learn to catch yourself and correct course. And you get better at catching yourself as you practice this until you can catch yourself right before it happens and correct course immediately. I'm certainly not there yet and to be honest, this is a skill that will take time to develop. One will not read this line and be able to do it right away, I don't care who you are. _Developing this skill will take time, period_.

So in closing, I propose that by not forcing anything, you ironically get spontaneity. You get exactly what you're looking for. An energy that is so of itself, so natural and that is not forced and is not unduly self-conscious. So if you're feeling like something needs to come out, but doesn't, then just let go. Practice Non-Doing and it will come to you. Kind of like this journal entry.


End file.
